When you have no Direction you GO Nowhere!

Lately it seems hard to focus. But I’m making a commitment to myself to make sure I complete the things I’m supposed to complete. There are only a few outstanding things that need to be taken care of. Financially will be my focus and making sure with smart choices. There are also persons in life that take a great deal of energy from me. I intend to rectify this. So here’s my levels.

Mentally: 85%
Spiritual:15%
Physically: 30%
Independently: 100%
Creativity: 75%
Socially: 10%
Romantically: 0%
Adventure: 5%

I will improve this.

My Life Doesn’t Feel Full Unless I’m Customizing

My interest lies in the technical field but I like to venture out and look for mind-widening situations. Whether creating a custom mod for a website or just meeting people. However recently I’ve become sort of a hermit.I can’t watch the news anymore because everything depresses me. I think though, I can do better at socializing because I don’t do this much.

All the politicians have really dug in the heals on everything and many are diametrically opposed to my views. I try not to follow because on my level I will not see the changes they put into law.

Overall I’m doing pretty well but I can’t shake a nagging feeling that things have to be done or my life will go haywire.

Losing Weight Is Hard

Man, losing weight is hard. I’ve been trying for years and it’s been almost impossible. I always lose about 15 pounds then I gain it back within a few months. It sucks and very depressing. I don’t want to get bariatric surgery but I’m leaning towards this closer and closer. Everyone that’s obese can tell you how difficult it is.

joe wize at crossroads

I’m At Another Crossroads in My Life

Yep, I’m At Another Crossroads in My Life

I did a project with one of the artists I’ve worked with for many years, we even had a well know producer as an A&R (Dallas Austin). At the completion, we all agreed that the project was a classic. I felt very strongly about it on the positive side.

Here’s where it gets a little tricky. I’ve had Lyor Cohen listen to the material and tell me my sound is dated. I’ve had Russell Simmons listen to and tell me that I don’t have the shit in it.

I’ve love to create music, but I’m tired of hitting a wall every single time I finish a project.

I’ve even got scammed by the ultimate scammer Mike Baril.

Should I continue and keep going?

Or Should I Keep It Going?

Adult Decisions Can Be Extremely Hard

Adult Decisions Can Be Extremely Hard

Last week I found out that my partner of 12 years will have to be put down soon. This is due to growths on her mammary glands. This really sucks. I don’t want her to suffer but I don’t want to just put her down when she has a good amount of life left. When you’re young sometimes these situations can be easy because it’s out of your hands and someone else older makes the decision. But when you’re older, the buck stops with you. Only you can make this kind of Adult Decision.

This is my world, but I know others are dealing with just as extreme or even more extreme decisions.

Choosing whether any kind of being lives or dies is very stressful.

In the past I’ve watched a close relative slow walk towards that slow road to death through hospice. It wasn’t pretty and didn’t feel good at all.

Over 10 Years Without Sex and I’m Not Crazy

I’ve gone over 10 years without sex and I’m not crazy. Do I want to have it? Yes of course. Will I settle for just anyone? No.  I hope I meet the woman of my dreams but I seem to be looking at the world through jaded glasses of 10 years ago. It’s just like when you search for a job, that expectation of not knowing what’s in store and hoping it’s the right fit. That proof you want to prove to yourself and others that you deserve it. I’ve been focused on that one big push and that one big goal and I’ve haven’t been able to smell the coffee and take in the sites.

What if I never reach my goal? I would be just reaching and never achieving. I’m using sex as a literal meaning and a metaphor of life and wanting to use my skills for what they’re supposed to be used for.

Sugar is So Dam Addictive!

Sugar is in everything!

You can’t get away from it. It’s in foods, preservatives, drinks, alcohol, etc. I wonder if the food industry heads sit in a dark backroom planning to see how next to hook new people for their foods. Once you get on the ride it’s difficult to get off.

My particular weakness is Ocean Spray Cranberry Juice Cocktail with 25 grams of Sugar per 8 ounces of serving.

 

I wonder if the companies that make fruit juices and foods with sugar, know that you can’t stop before devouring these in one sitting? Maybe they’re planning and counting on this? I know the key for me in losing weight is to control the input of sugar. Easier said than done. Right now I can go maybe a couple days and then it hits me I have to have it. It’s like having a crack addiction.

For now, I’ll roll with the punches and work on putting this addiction on hold.

 

Wish me luck!

 

Why Am I Such A Cynic ?

I see the world in dark colors. When I was younger those colors were really vibrant. I want to accomplish more but every year it becomes tougher and tougher. I’m always wondering if people are feeling like me and are they just putting on a happy face to fool everybody? I’d like to believe in people but time after time they’ve let me down. I don’t see a difference in what they’re doing and what I’m doing except they do their task with a crazy amount of enthusiasm. I’m a true believer that if you think of something you can manifest it. But what happens when your mind is too cluttered to even think straight? Just something I”m thinking about.